Thank you- Lisa
Grow Weary
One step forward, and two steps back
seems as though where I am at.
Not knowing whats next
or what to expect
Doctors seem lazy
or is it just me, expecting to much?
Looking back 8 months ago
then too I didn't know where I was going
but this time, its different
to them I am fine
I shouldn't have pain
it seems as though they think I am insane.
Its an unfortunate thing
the complication I suffered
had I known, would I have done the same?
Would I have taken the chances of letting someone operate on my brain?
I grow weary of wearing a smile
I grow weary of being strong
I grow weary of having no answers
and feeling I am wrong
looking back, I often wonder
had I known where I'd be
would I have still chosen this avenue?
Am I asking to much for them to help me?
Am I expecting to much, in wanting answers?
Am I reaching at straws not wanting this pain?
Is this now my life, pain everyday?
Just once I wish they would walk in my shoes
and have them tell me I am not feeling anything,
better yet I'd like to hear we know just what to do.
Even better I'd love to hear we now know how to help you
I am tired of being looked at like I am insane
I am tired of the silence when I ask for help
I am tired of feeling I am left out blowing in the wind.
If its not one thing its another
Weary I grow of this pain driven life.
©LAW2010
TRAPPED
It started in the darkness
In the depths of the dark night
Upon the waking hours
It was not a pretty site.
My brain just couldn’t concentrate,
My hands would not be still
My pace was quickly slowed.
By all this pain I feel
My head feels like its being squeezed inside a big ol’ vice.
My neck feels like someone is trying to pin me down
....holding on oh so tight.
My hands tingle and so do my feet.
My eyes hurt, this is so absurd.
My face has pains I never felt before.
I walk with a gentle glide holding onto something so I don’t slide,
The tremors come without a warning;
the shaking and trembling I cant make it stop.
Scary to some, I feel so ashamed.
I can not wrap my brain around what is being said.
I try to speak but,I can not make the words come out of my mouth
I feel so trapped I can’t get out,
can someone please help me figure this out?
©LAW2009
it takes
it takes just a memory
for some to well up with tears
it takes just a moment in time
to say,"I love you dear"
it takes just a second
to hold the door a little longer
it takes a simple word
to make this world stronger
it takes a simple smile
to show the world happiness
it takes a friend
to wipe away your tears
it takes a simple hug
to make someone feel better
it takes a little nudge
to help someone feel stronger
it takes something so simple
yet, we all forget
it's the little things that matter
and it's the only life we get!
©LAW2010
Reflection
the face in the mirror is me
it just doesnt seem like me
i search my eyes to try and find
where have i disappeared?
touch my hand to my cheek
it trembles as i reach.
softly touching tracing my way
from my cheeks to my eyes
slowly tracing my features
yet,still unable to feel
where have i gone?
where did i fade?
will i return?
or am i just dead?
©LAW2010
Live
fade into the darkness
wearing a simple grin
forever i am reminded
of the person i once had been
one who liked to smile
at ease with simple things
never felt the need before
to be someone else instead
fade into the darkness
fear upon my face
not knowing where i am going
and having trouble remembering where i've been
my head feels kind of funny
my eyes look far beyond
can i just be hiding
how will i learn to live?
©LAW2010
frown
i looked into his eyes today
such a pretty blue/green they are
although i see his sadness
i see the pain he bares
it's hiding in the background
he doesn't want me to see
he tries to look away
but,he knows i've seen within the depths of his eyes
my heart breaks that he's unhappy
and he's barely even content
he's a product of his surroundings
as sad as it does sound
i've taken from him his childhood
he's grown far too fast
an illness shouldnt change things
but alas they have
i try to hide the tears
so,instead i ware a frown
©LAW2010
better times
i realized today
that i'd trade any single day
to go back in time to the days
of better times
of happyness around
of days i was pain free
i'd like to go back in time
to the days i lived pain free
to the days where happiness was found
to the days where there were no limits
to the days where i could leave the house
and leaving pills behind
Oh how i'd wish,for wishes to come true
i wish upon every star
to just simply to return to a life
of better times.
if genies really lived inside the bottles burried in the sand
i'd dig a million holes,til i found one
then I could be granted a wish or two
my wishes would be simple
they would be easy to grant me
i'd wish to return to the life of better times
©LAW2010
As the tears fall, he wipes away
My head hurts
Can someone understand
its far beyond a “headache”
I just want to die.
Days pass no-one knows
in and out of the hospital
no one understands
they give me more meds
and send me on my way.
Saying this should get her through
its far beyond my understanding
I just can not explain
the pain I am in
the hurt is deep inside
can someone please help me?
More days pass, given more meds
finally someone realizes more needs to be done
a scan they say is needed
so they can see what's going on
Finally some insight
and there plain as day
the culprit is
sir she has massive amounts of fluid on her brain
We can help her, She needs surgery right away
she has what we call hydrocephalus or water on the brain
she has so much, shes fading fast we have to call the surgeon right away.
Nurses rush as though they were in fast forward
Inpatient they have grown, Waiting for the surgeon
one is heard saying- it shouldn't be taking this long
lets get her prepped and ready to go so when they arrive
she can be whisked away.
Nurses are starting to worry its taking too long
In the distance sirens are heard, the noise is coming closer
is it an emergency?
Not really that's for your surgeon and a few of the surgical nurses.
Its one thing to not remember a few things from day to day
its another when you completely lose memories of something
so significant, life changing in many ways.
I do not remember this day
next thing I know I am waking
alone and scared,
no one to talk to
no one understands
I try to rack my brain for the memories that brought me to this day
I hang my head and cry in fear, I don't remember what happened
nor why am I here, someone please hold me
I am going insane
loss for words, looking for memories
tears fall down my cheek
my hand wipes them away
this is when I realize
something big has really happened
yet, I am slightly confused.
I look in a mirror
tears fall even faster
I can't hold them back any longer
What happened to my husband
and where is my son.
No one to ask
left to just wonder
regain my composure
take a deep breath and slowly release
in comes a nurse, she asked how I am?
I asked her where is my husband and son
she said they were fine and will be back later
big sigh of relief, she then gave me a hug
realizing then, that this happened to just me
thank god they are alright
©LAW 2009
IF
If you could help me, would you?
If you could go through this, would you?
If you could make me smile, would you?
If you could give me a hug, would you?
If this were you, what would you want me to do?
If this were you, would you reach out to me?
If this were you, would you allow a hug?
If this were you, What would you do?
If I were not feeling this way, I wouldn't ask
If I were not depressed, I wouldn't be reaching out my hand
If I were not in need, I could smile
If I were not confused, I would know what to do.
If you had a last word to say to me, What would it be?
If I knew I wouldn't speak to you again, All I could say is simply
Thank you
….........for being there for me
….........for lending me your hand
….........for caring so much in reaching on back.
...........for being my friend
***©LAW 2009
"Untitled"
thinking then
but what in the hell has happened to me?
Can someone help me understand?
Just as I wipe the tears away one more time
in walks my husband I asked what has happened
but really I just needed his hug.
As the tears fall, he wipes them away
It just feels so good to be held within his arms.
the answers i am seeking are just going to have to wait!
It just feels so nice to be within his
loving embrace.
©LAW 10/09
Don't Judge!
When you pass me
you see someone who looks well
When you speak to me
you hear someone who can keep a conversation
When you touch me
you feel the warmth of my skin
When you take the time to know me
you will see, the truth behind the face you see.
The truth you see, I am not so healthy
I am not so wise, I am torn and tattered
and sometimes its hard to understand
sometimes your words confuse me
sometimes the pain is awful, and I fight to make
it through the day.
The truth you see, Is I am strong and able to hide
the pain I am feeling and the fear that's inside
The truth you see, Is every day is a battle for me.
I am tired, I hurt, I am even afraid
I am sad, I feel lonely, I may even be insane
I have the will but not the strength every single day
So please don't judge me by what it is you see
Instead take the time to get to know me
Please stop wondering what's wrong with me
and take the time to understand.
©Law2010
It feels good
it took nothing but a phone call .
a suggestion,i found rare.i did what i was asked to do .
now-i am dancing in the air.
it feels good to feel the sunlight dance across my skin.
it feels good to not be hiding from the pain i am in.
it feels so good to wear a smile, and not always wearing a frown.
it feels good to see the old me again.
i hope she hangs around!
©LAW 2010
SIT
hold my head up
inhale so deep
hide the pain that you bare
dont let others see
sit ever so quietly
dont move too fast
cuz you just never know
when you'll wind up on your ass.
©LAW 2010
Will I
touch my hand, I tremble
look me in the eye
can you tell what i am thinking?
or are you trying to find where i hide?
somewhere in the depths of me
is where the old me lies
for now she just feels better hiding deep inside
unable to think, only able to wonder
will i grow weaker?, or will i grow stronger?
©LAW2010
look me in the eye
can you tell what i am thinking?
or are you trying to find where i hide?
somewhere in the depths of me
is where the old me lies
for now she just feels better hiding deep inside
unable to think, only able to wonder
will i grow weaker?, or will i grow stronger?
©LAW2010
Here are some older poems that I had written ********************************************************************
Facts Of Life
it was about 5:40 am when the telephone rang
the voice on the other end- I couldnt quite comprehend
it took only a few short seconds for me to wake enough to understand.
you were in an accident no 8 hours before hand,
i was told that you will be alright.
the hospital is where you spent the night.
your face, is bruised and quite swallen.
your car, completely mangled.
Not too many get to walk away from hitting a 2 ton boulder.
you are quite lucky child.
you should feel completely blessed
someone was holding you close to their chest.
I hope you feel your life defidently has some meaning.
With out a doubt this was a hard lesson learned
in the school often called "the cold hard facts of life".
written for ©KCW 7-07 by LAW
Just a minute
Three words I heard before.
Just a minute..Then you walk out the door.
Just a minute..With no reply.
Just a minute..Wonder why.
Just a minute..Yet,nothing gets done.
Just a minute..No-one runs.
Just a minute..No make that two.
Just a minute..Have I said that to you?
Just a minute..Words most of us hate.
Just a minute..A minute is to late.
Copyright ©2005 L A W
The Day You Stood So Tall
My heart just took a sinking leap the day you stood so tall
You wanted so hard to express your love
For your Pop-Pop Paul
But when you got to that mic all you could do was cry
And never before have I been so proud of you
Nor have I ever felt so sad
The day that you had to say goodbye to your Pop-Pop Paul
In your eyes and in your heart I knew you couldn't let go
But on that day you knew that you had too
Sadness filled your body and loved filled your heart
The day you stood up to express your lasting love
You done so much and stood behind him to
Hopefully see him through
You then realized there was nothing more
That a child's hands could do
You prayed to god to save him and leave him close to home
God had other plans for him that you didn't know
Never once have I been prouder
Then that day you stood so tall
Copyright ©2001 L A W
WHY
Why is it when I talk to you I feel I am talking to a wall?
Why is it when you want something I am the first one that you call?
Why is it that you walk right passed me
Do I not exists?
Why is it when I need your help
You are never close by?
Why is it when I call your name
I only hear a sigh?
Why is it that you do not listen to a single word I say?
But when its you who wants something
All I hear is you nag and complain
Why is it that I feel invisible?
Until its something you desire
©LAW 5’07
No comments:
Post a Comment